SPEAKER_00 0:00

If you're old enough to remember when phones had cords and the only thing that went viral was the cold, then you're in the right place. Welcome to the Big Sticks Cold with Kaylee Harris and Guy Rollinson. Because who better to discuss life to stack and act than two people who still think mature is a type of team?

SPEAKER_01 0:41

And there are good and bad things about being 60 or over. We don't care what people think of us anymore, which is a positive, but we do care about certain things. We care about money, we care about our health. G'day, guy. Well, yeah, they're two.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

There are two. I care about a lot of other things.

SPEAKER_01 0:58

Okay. Well, they were just two that sprung to mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

Yeah, well, I'll go with you on that one. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Yeah. And we all worry about different things in life, but let's face it, the stuff you worry about changes over time. When you think about it, what you worry about in your teens, you couldn't care less about now. Like, doesn't my bum look big in this, or you know, is Tom gonna give me a call and ask me out on a date this weekend? Like, I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 1:20

What happened to Tom?

SPEAKER_01 1:21

I don't know. Well, that was a like that was a pretend name. Oh. There was no sorry. Um, in your twenties, you worry about whether you're gonna find the right partner or get a you know that promotion you want. In my 30s, I was worried about whether my kids would turn out to be dickheads or not, and and how the hell I was gonna pay the mortgage for the next 30 years. So I honestly seriously did worry that I would be a bad mum and that they would turn out to be bad kids as a result of that. So um what about you in your 30s? What were you worried about?

SPEAKER_03 1:53

I was worried about job security um because technology was really starting to ramp up then. Um so there was a lot of that going on, and as a result, my family was a worry to me because you think, well, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna have this career in my 40s or 50s, or what are we gonna do?

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Who are gonna who's gonna pay the bills? That's right. Uh in your forties, you start worrying about health and your kids again because they're teenagers by this stage. Uh in your 50s, you start worrying about your elderly parents because they're on the way down. Well, not everyone's you know what I mean. Right. Yeah, yeah. Uh in our 60s, judging by the feedback that we're getting from our listeners, we worry about all of that and more. So let's unpack it.

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Yeah, look, when you say 50s and elderly parents and those sort of things, have we reached that point yet where we're gonna be starting to be those parents that our kids are gonna start worrying about?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Definitely. Yeah, yeah, I think so. I I think so.

unknown 2:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

I get a bit of a nudge in the ribs sometimes from my daughter about Mum, have you got the dementias if I forget where the car keys are or something?

SPEAKER_03 2:58

So at a certain age that nudge in the ribs could actually be a hospitalization too, because you know that's a broken rib. Oh, that's right. Don't worry about dementia, Mum. I've just broken two ribs.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Well, let's talk about that because one of the things you worry about, I I don't know about you, but in the last probably ten years, I've had a couple of falls. And you know, tripped on something or tripped going up the stairs or whatever, and had a couple of falls. And it really shakes your confidence, doesn't it? Has it happened to you or or you not yet?

SPEAKER_03 3:27

Not yet, but there's a story that a couple of friends have mentioned that you know you're getting older when either A, it goes from being a fall to a nasty fall. Whether it's the same fall or not, there's the inverted commas nasty fall. And also you know if you're getting old, because let's say you're still going to the gym, for example. Um, if you fall over and do yourself a bit of a mischief, if everyone laughs, you know you're not old. But if they start gathering around you and think, oh hang on, uh do we dial triple O, you know you're old.

SPEAKER_01 4:01

You know you're old for sure. Yeah, and and you don't I don't know about you, I did I uh get bruises on myself now, and I don't know how I got them. Whereas when you were a kid, that bruise was a badge of honour and you know knew exactly where you got it from because you probably burst into tears. But I look at myself and you know, getting changed and stuff in the mirror and I go, where did I get that from? Yeah, it's I don't even remember bumping myself and there'll be a bruise there.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

Yeah, I I don't get that. I don't get that yet, but what I do is I I keep hitting my head on things. What? Like, yes, I know. I mean I had to explain myself the other day to a guy that was coming around and I said, Oh, it's because I'm wearing a hat I had no idea that I was no, I I hit my head on things. I like I it's it's more than Muhammad Ali probably would have taken in the ring as far as that's concerned. Because yeah, I get cuts on my head, but I have I'm oblivious to the fact that it's actually happened and I'll tell you something. I think it is. I think it is. Um, and and it's it's apparently it's quite common that whole you know, and thank goodness it doesn't happen with your driving. I don't know whether you I I can fit into that space. Oh there's another yeah, yeah, sorry. That was my car scraping up against the pillar in the shop. I'm sorry. But yeah, maybe this maybe it's a special awareness thing, I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

And even little things like when I go downstairs now, I hold on. I never used to. Never used to. And and sometimes you if you're running upstairs, I used to be able to run up two at a time. Don't do that anymore.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

No, I'm I'm with you on the whole I need to hold on to a rail when I'm going. We've got stairs at our place. Yeah, you know, you've you've been to our place. And yeah, there was a time where you would just walk down those stairs, and also there's stairs, if you've ever come across them, which don't seem to have like the the back part of the stairs that's just open, and that almost freaks me out. If I'm going up a whole lot of stairs and all I can see is this this cavernous sort of hole between each of the stairs, yeah, I definitely need to hold onto the rails.

SPEAKER_01 5:59

Well, staying within the whole health thing, obviously there's there's the dementia is the big one. Um that it there's so much publicity about it these days, and so many, you know, the the numbers are increasing from what we hear that it that's a worry, isn't it? And you find that you I worry about that, and you think if you forget something or forget someone's name or or you know, like f like forget where you leave your car keys, you think, is this the beginning of it?

SPEAKER_03 6:21

Yeah, it is. And and it's really easy because it's publicised so much, and and you know, you know, uh some of our friends, I'm sure people you know, their parents are going through it, or friends are going through it. And it is really it it's quite confronting when you think, well, you know, I do you know I I do forget things from time to time, and is this the start of something bigger? And and it just sits with you sometimes, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_01 6:44

Yeah, but everyone forgets stuff from time to time, but we're very harsh on ourselves.

SPEAKER_03 6:47

Yeah, it's true. Um a a friend of of mine that uh as a former colleague, um, and I I won't name them, uh it happened to someone very close to them where just out of the blue they're aware that this person was, you know, mm the whole car key sort of thing. But then one day he rang them and said, Look, I'm on my way home. I've forgotten which way I need to to sort of to get home. To get home. And and like you know, thought, oh gosh, that's and that was in the space of just a few months that that all came about. Yeah, but yeah, it's scary stuff.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Yeah, yeah. So health is a is a biggie, I think, for for us, isn't it? So let's and that sort of feeds into loss of independence, which is we all worry about what's gonna happen, you know, if we can't live in our own home, or if you know, we have to go into care, which we we may at some stage. So and losing your independence and that ability to decide to do what you want when you want, all of those things that it's put somewhere down the track, someone's gonna have to make those decisions for you.

SPEAKER_03 7:48

Yeah, and there's one day you wake up one day, and it's like everything. One day something is there, and the next day strangely enough it's not. I don't know whether it happens that quickly or it's just that slow progression, but it's that responsibility on family or friends, because invariably you don't make that decision yourself and say, Look, I don't think I'm capable of doing this anymore and living independently. It's usually made by your kids um because they're concerned for your welfare.

SPEAKER_01 8:18

Yeah, well it's it's it's often made in the hospital car park at you know, 10 o'clock at night when the doctor when you've had a fall and the doctor says they can't go home. And so you're all of a sudden there going, what are we gonna do? Where are we gonna put mum or dad? Or I'm just going through this with some some relatives at the moment that um that uh didn't want to go into care, should have been in care, but didn't want to go into care and was adamant they that she wanted to stay in her own home. And I understand that. I can completely understand that. So it's a real dilemma, isn't it, for for us, for our generation, because we don't know what the future's gonna look like for us, but also for our families who care us about us and love us and it it it's scary for me personally.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Um only because of, you know, I've seen situations where, you know, uh I won't say kicking and screaming, but you just know that, you know, mum or dad or grandma or just really want to and believe in their in their heart and their mind that they can live, you know, quite happily. But you see it time and time again, don't you?

SPEAKER_01 9:19

But you also worry about the horror stories about aged care facilities. There's been a lot of government intervention um talking about changing things and regulation, and you worry about the place that you if you go, if you do go into somewhere, what's it going to be like? Are they gonna look after you?

SPEAKER_03 9:35

And that's a that's a big concern. Yeah, but once again, uh the media I mean, I don't know, I'm sure a lot of the aged care facilities are wonderful places, and you know, and and it's the care and the medic's there, um, but it's a financial constraint as well on the families, not just an emotional one and and the healthcare one either, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Well that yeah, exactly. And that's a that's a whole podcast on its own, which which we've done recently, financial stability and how to you know, you worry about am I gonna run out of money? Who's gonna pay for me if I have to go into a nursing home? How much money do I need? How long am I gonna live? Because apparently we're living longer. Uh, not unusual to live into your 90s now, but you're if you're retiring at 65, that's a long time to need money. So that whole financial independence as well.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

Yeah, I know I know a lot of financial advisors do projections. Um, and you know, there's numbers that are bandied around that you need X amount of money to continue living the lifestyle you want to live until you know a certain age. But as is relevant lately, when you see cost of living going up so markedly and without any warning, all of a sudden you think those projections are based on a fairly flatline sort of increase in costs and inflation and CPI. But um as as we're speaking now, we're looking at the fuel spike in costs and and everything else, and all of a sudden that plays into your mind and say, Do I have enough to actually live? Because yeah, that's fine. I'm gonna be fine uh yesterday until the age of eighty, but all of a sudden tomorrow, oh, is that all of a sudden change? Yeah, it's scary.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

And it's not knowing whether it's gonna all of a sudden change. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're when we're younger, do you remember you know we had so many friends? We uh we were surrounded by friends and people, and you could pick up the phone on a weekend and go out with any number of people, you'd catch up with them. Social isolation, it's a it's a really big deal for a lot of older people. Yeah, um for and for a variety of reasons. There's you know no finger pointing on on you know, is it the person's fault, is it the people around them? None of that. Forget all of that. But but social isolation is something that is a real issue for older people. Do you do you see it in your circle as well?

SPEAKER_03 11:52

Yeah, to a point. I've been very fortunate. Um I've got a lot of friends from even back in my school days, um, and we make a point of you know, mm catching up all that sort of thing, but that's once or twice a year um where you'll catch up, and that's great, but there's three hundred and sixty odd days the rest of the year where you can't just have say the radio or the cat as as your sounding board or your your point of you know of of reference as far as company is concerned. You and it's easy to say, look, go and join a social group or this. It's not easy.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

It's not that easy.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

It's not that easy, you know, and and at a certain age you do find it more difficult um to actually just make that initial move to say, Well, you know, I may have moved to a new address, or I may have whatever. Just to go out and be brave and do that, it may not have have any interest whatsoever in doing that, but it you know, as we get older It's still a big step. It's a massive step.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

And do you remember there was a series on the ABC uh a couple of years ago, Old People's Home for Two Year Olds and Old People's Home for Teenagers. There were two seasons of it where they um selected a bunch of older people in retirement villages and paired them up in the first episode with toddlers or little kids and the second episode with teenagers. And the recurring theme from for all of these older people, they it might be in a retirement village surrounded by people their own age, but they still feel isolated.

SPEAKER_03 13:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:14

And they still felt very alone.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Yeah. And and and if you're in that situation, once again, we're only in our sixties. Um, we've got family that are relatively close by, but we're in that fortunate position to be able to have that interaction. But as families move, whether it's for professional reasons or whatever, uh the tyranny of distance sometimes plays a role in that. And yes, I know we've got communications now. Whether you're going to be doing a Zoom call, it's not the same. You need to have that touch and feel of, you know, whether it's friends, family, whoever.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Yeah, exactly. Another biggie, uh safety and security. Because we live in that um age where you know you can there there is so much panic on the television in news stories about things we need to be worried about, you know, breaking news and this is happening, or the as you know, the war in Iran at the moment, or yeah, um the the news tends to be very negative with crime and things like that. And you do when you get older worry about just security more, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 14:12

Yeah, of course. I'm I'm not sure and this is me speaking, I'm not sure whether the prevalence of crime is greater or the reporting of it presents it as being greater.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Definitely the reporting, I think. I I think um is is a lot more dramatic.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

Yes, yeah. But it doesn't alter the fact that it's there. Regardless of whether it's reported more often or the frequency is increased, it seems that it has always been there. And as you get older, your ability to probably um circumvent what you perceive as a danger is much harder because frankly, you're older, you you're you're you're seen as a target sometimes, are you?

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Particularly with scams. Yes. Because you know, our generation we're so trusting, we're so we you and trying to keep up with the technology and the latest scams that are but th you know, those scammers are so clever. Um scams are a worry, elder abuse, which which is very go flies under the radar a lot with a lot of people, and and we're not talking physical abuse, we're talking yeah, with that as well, but uh you know, there are other types of abuse as well.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

And and as you're saying with scams, I mean once upon a time, you know, the big scam was like I'm a Nigerian prince, you've inherited this. But these days, of course, there are things that with AI and voice recognition, and it could be that phone call that you think this is my daughter or my son, you know, after something, they're getting so clever and it's a concern. But as you're saying with elder abuse as well, um so many instances where you know things have been reported and it's just you know, it's the unscrupulous people among us and those that have agendas that you know seem to prey on you know we're the latest we're the latest in the food chain that's just I got a text message the other day on my phone uh and it said, Hi mum, um I've my phone has been damaged by water.

SPEAKER_01 16:07

I'm calling you, I'm texting you from a friend's phone. Can you please message me?

SPEAKER_03 16:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Um and uh luckily I'd heard on the news that that was a scam and didn't touch it. But it just goes to show that if you you know, if you don't know, you might go, Oh wow, one of my kids, it's it's an emotive issue. All of a sudden one of your kids needs you, of course you're gonna jump on there and do that.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

Yeah, I I like I worry about the banking scams that are so elaborate now. Yeah, and I'm sure our kids probably look at it and think, Oh mum, dad, you know, yeah, yeah. But look, they're not gonna be looking over our shoulders 24-7. Yeah. Um and it puts into perspective too things like in our day, inverted commas, yeah. If you wanted to find Kaylee's home address, you'd go to the white page, look at the phone number, look at the address, and there you go. Absolutely. Have a look in her letterbox. There's and I think, my gosh, these days you have, you get those scams.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Yeah, yeah. They're everywhere. Um, let's talk about, and this is a big year. I think there's a whole nother podcast in this, but let's talk about death and dying.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Yeah, yeah. Does that scare you?

SPEAKER_01 17:08

Yeah. Um yes and no. It's kind of it's inevitable. So I try not to let it scare me because I can't change it. I can't do anything about it. Um it's gonna happen one day. I like everybody, you know, want to die peacefully in my bed at night. That may or may not happen. Uh but yeah, you do worry about missing out on the lives of the people around you and your loved ones if you pass on. You're not gonna be there to see them grow up or to see your grandchildren grow up or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 17:38

And and the simple answer to that sometimes where you'll get someone who's uh you know a lot more philosophical about things than I am, will say, Do you recall prior to birth? And the answer is always no, I don't. And the idea that you think you're gonna be missing out on, you know, seeing someone grow up once you're gone, you're gone. It's some it's only while you're living here that you worry about it. But that's a that's a natural, you know, that's a natural part of living that you know you think I'm going to miss out on this. Well, it's not like you're gonna know you're gonna be missing out on that. That's true. It's up until but still you're right. It's like you'd just like to go to sleep peacefully one night and well that comes from not knowing what is there, you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:24

It would and it depends on your religious beliefs and and what you believe, whether you believe in reincarnation or heaven or whatever. Um, or that maybe there's nothing there. You know, none of us know what happens when you die. And I think it's there's a bit of fear there as to what's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

Yeah, and m we w none of us know. Um there was a there was a a great book that I read many, many, many years ago about a man who was given the opportunity to pick his time and place and that's and would you take that option? And I thought, no, why would you? Why would you do that? But yeah, look, I think it's a natural natural thing to think, well, you know, I am going to be missing out on this. And the concept of death is something that we're not prepared for. Um and as you say, it depends on your beliefs, um, whether that's religious or spiritual belief. Um and you hear so many times people are at ease with something. Well, you know, I don't know any of us are actually at ease with it that may have had a traditional sort of maybe, you know, upbringing, but you know, it's a question that we all have to approach and it's something that we also have to speak to our children about.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

And I don't think it's something that is embraced in society in general. You don't people, you know, when you s want to talk about death, uh people say, no, no, don't talk about it, don't talk about it. It's like saying, well, you know, I can just because I talk about sex doesn't mean I'm gonna get pregnant. Death is the same. I can talk about it, it doesn't mean I'm gonna die in the next 24 hours. And I think we need to be having more conversations around um what's gonna happen because like I said, it's inevitable, it's gonna happen to all of us and we keep pushing it away and pushing it back, and everyone's too scared to talk about it or or to uh to look at how it could be um a a more positive experience or a less painful experience or you know, more transitional. But I think there's a whole nother podcast that we need to do on that because that's a big space.

SPEAKER_03 20:16

Well, let's let's put a bullet point on that one. Let's speak to someone about that if we can. And yeah, I'm sure we'll get a few more insights about how that all comes to be and probably what it means for people, you know, whether whether they're in their sixties, it might be their seventies, it may be something earlier. But some solace. Exactly. Yeah, all right. Hey, we've got to go. Yep. All right, speak to you later. I'll worry about you later.

SPEAKER_02 20:42

The views and opinions expressed on the Big 6-0 are personal and reflect those of the hosts and guests. They do not represent the views or positions of any affiliated organizations or companies. This podcast is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice. Please consult with a qualified professional for guidance on any personal matters.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Ah, and before we go, let's give credit where credit is due. Cayley Harris and I came up with all the genius content for this week's episode. Our producer, Nick Abood. Well, he keeps the lights on and makes sure we don't accidentally upload a cat video instead of a podcast. So thanks for keeping us on track, Nick. Nick. Nick